Alice Vs..... Retail

I worked for several years in an upscale women's clothing store and just loved it. It was a fun job, made more enjoyable by the lovely ladies who came in and the fact that basically, I got paid to play "dress up" every day.  The fun thing about working with the public was that you never knew what you were going to see or hear or deal with- a few moments in  particular come to mind--  
 
In the clothing business, you will always have that one  lady suffering from the misconception that she was a size 4 when honestly, it was more like 14!! Bless her heart, you could HEAR the clothes ripping in the dressing room as she tried them on, but since service was key here, we never said a word. I would TRY and hint a bit to  her by saying, "Now, this season, they have made the tailoring a little smaller!" but she'd said, "Oh good! Then the 4s will fit me better!" RiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiP! Perfect!  Another habit this precious woman had was to leave her dressing room door wide open as she changed so we all got an eyeful of her favorite, old underwear from Walmart! I am not knocking Wally World at all as I am currently sporting a shirt and undies from there but honestly these must have been purchased when the store first opened in 1962 because the elastic was GONE folks!! It had nothing left, it had either given up of its own accord or been tortured for so long that it just stopped trying! Bless her heart, she was a doll though!

  Working in retail you meet people with all sorts of  different personalities. Some you work with and some you wait on.  This was one that I worked with.  By now, I am sure you realize that I am not a normal person and that I enjoy messing with people; particularly when they exhibit a certain trait or quirk that screams for attention.   The newest employee that I worked with had a particular habit that soon became the focus of my attention. She was a One-Upper. No matter what you were saying, for example, you had a really bad weekend, SHE had a worse one. If you were abducted by aliens, SHE too, was abducted but was also probed, impregnated and eventually named QUEEN!  So you see, she had to be screwed with.   It became a game with me whenever I worked with her to come up with more and more bizarre events/parties/situations that she had to some how, One Up! She was good though, NOTHING phased her! I told her about a friend (imaginary) who was going through an abusive relationship--ok, truth be told, I used the movie plot from Julia Robert's 1991 movie, "Sleeping with the Enemy" all the way down to how my friend FAKED her own death to get away from this guy... and yet, he found her!! NOPE, not even a batted eye-lash! This woman came up with something from Farrah Fawcett's 1984 made for TV movie, "The Burning Bed" for which Ms. Fawcett was nominated for both an Emmy and Golden Globe! Well played One-Upper, well played!   In the end, I was never sure if she realized I was messing with her or was simply too far gone to care, but at least it amused the snot out of me! 

  Finally, there was Kimberly, a very nice looking  man in regular chothing  who came in to shop. Assuming he needed help for a girlfriend, I asked what size he needed, and he said, "It's for me". GOT IT!! 'Nuff said!   I helped him pick out some things that he liked and he was going to come back "dressed" to try them on.  Shockingly, one thing I noticed was that Kimberly picked out a lot of the clothes I myself, had purchased which meant one of two things: either HE had impeccable taste OR I dress like a drag queen! We are going to go for the former here folks although, I do like being trash-tastic!  For those who don't know, TRASH-TASTIC is something I came up with; it means you SPARKLE!  LOTS of diamonds (faux of course dahling, I was only part-time after all!) and lots of color!  You have to have fun with your clothes and have an attitude! Wait a minute!  Maybe I DO dress like a drag queen! Oh well, no matter, I have to have fun! That is all we can do AND of course, make sure we have on a decent pair of undies, even if they ARE from Wally World! 

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