Local Sexologists Give Advice on Love, Intimacy

A psychiatric hospital might be the last place you'd look for true love, but that's exactly where it bloomed for Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird.

"I had a major crush on him," says Jo-Ann, a Brandon psychotherapist and clinical sexologist. "He was so smart, handsome and just great."

No, she wasn't a patient at the Retreat Psychiatric Hospital in Fort Lauderdale. She was still in school, earning her master's degree in mental health counseling from Nova Southeastern University.

She answered the phone and did secretarial work for some of the hospital's units.

Chuck Bird was working as a pharmacy technician. Formerly a registered nurse, he decided to return to school and pursue a bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Central Florida. He also started on his master's degree in mental health counseling at Nova.

When Chuck had to leave his job, he asked the receptionist for a date.

That was 1996. Two years later, the Birds were married.

Now, like Drs. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the famous sexologists who studied women's sexual arousal from the 1950s to the '90s, they have combined their knowledge to diagnose and treat couples with relationship and sexual issues.

Many couples are trying to hold their marriage together during a crippling economic downturn that seems to have no end in sight.

The Birds counsel couples on how to quit worrying and focus on improving their relationships.

• First, keep in mind that you aren't the only one in the house feeling the everyday pressure. A couple is a unit, and you're on the same team.
• Make your relationship a priority. It's easy to forget this when you're interviewing for a job or worried about the bills. Take the time to talk to each other.
• Schedule a time when you can talk without interruptions. "Some couples really aren't talking at all," Jo-Ann says. Don't simply discuss the kids and your bills, but talk about your hopes and dreams for the future.
• Have fun together. You don't need to spend a lot of money to set up a romantic picnic in your living room or play board games.
• Pay attention to your partner's positive traits, even if you have to remember something she did a few years ago. Show some gratitude for your spouse.

To bring their advice to a wider audience, the Birds filmed videos, "Intimate Chats with the Love Birds," for YouTube. They cover everything from how to make your marriage more romantic to reviewing the newest, colorful sex toys.

Yes, they go there. The sexologists give the toys to a couple to try out, receive their comments and then rate them by feathers, with five feathers being "very hot," down to one feather as "not so hot." As their Web site explains, “The hotter the product is, the more feathers it will take to cool you off!”

In one video, they talk about using your five senses, including taste, smell and vision, to spice up your love life. "Dim the lights, put some rose petals on the bed and even dress in sexy lingerie," Chuck Bird says.

"Sex is adult play," he says in another video about making sex new and interesting again. "Try new things, have fun, laugh."

About 50 percent of their patients are having sexual issues, his wife adds. Partners with different levels of sexual desire is a frequent discussion.

A low level of desire can have many causes, such as the medicines taken for diabetes or low testosterone. Anxiety, stress and depression also can decrease your libido.

Having children can place pressure on a marriage. "Once a couple has kids, sex decreases by 70 percent," Jo-Ann says. "We always say: 'You were there together before the child.' If you have a healthy relationship and are making it a priority, that's a much better gift to your child.

"We recommend that they see a good gynecologist or urologist to rule out physical conditions that might be causing it," Jo-Ann says.

While the recession can hurt a marriage, the up side is that couples are trying harder to stay together because divorce is expensive, she says.

For more tips on improving your relationship, visit their Web site, thelovebirdsforyou.com. You can also chat with them on Facebook at facebook.com/DrsChuckandJoAnnBird.