The announcement said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a 1/2
full flight so everyone should be able to enjoy a seat in between or even a whole row to yourselves!" A cheer went up! Marvelous! I was on row "6" in the aisle seat and a lovely older woman had already claimed the window seat; it was going to be an awesome flight; then HE showed up. Oompa Loompa orange and roughly the same height, he asked, "Can I squeeze in?! I like to sit up front!" I wanted to pull a Garbo and say, "I VANT to be alone!" but my folks taught me to be polite so I said, "sure"; note to self: I am going to have to have a talk with my folks. So here sits a man, approximately the same color as my favorite childhood drink, Tang and I know things are not going to go well. Fabulous! Everyone else is enjoying SPACE but not me, so I try to concentrate on my knitting.
Whenever I fly or am sitting anywhere waiting , I have my knitting. It keeps me occupied, entertained and in the end I have something to show for it. Angry Birds has nothing on knitting! With my headphones in, listening to "Wait, Wait! Don't Tell Me!", a comedy show from NPR and knitting up a storm, I was sure I was fully protected....no such luck!
After take off, Le Petit' Schwarzenegger whips out his body building magazine- have you
seen one of these? All the men are greased, so "tan" they look like dirt, every vein popping, muscles flexed, nipples protruding and wearing a "swimsuit" that makes the SPEEDO appear to have the same amount of fabric as a Toga--it was like PORN! I suddenly felt dirty and wanted to run, but of course, I was stuck in a metal tube, where was I going to go?
So, head down, not looking to my right, headphones blaring, I begin to knit. Gollum then says, "Hey! You're knitting! My grandmother used to knit, "the wife" (apparently she has no proper name, just a title) crochets because she can't seem to figure it out. My grandmother knits everything! She is ........" and so it went. UGHHHH. I made the obligatory noises of "uh huh,
oh, and mmmm" but soon realized it was fruitless. He was not going to be deterred, no matter what. Finally, defeated, I took the headphones off. That was when he complimented me on the color choice of the hat I was making. It was BLACK and TAN people! No real "COLOR" choice involved here. Probably the FARTHEST from "color" you can get, no imagination needed and he was impressed. Kill me now.
Over the next 2 hours I was informed of all his goings on, not that I had asked. He told me he had "seeds" in his prostate (Great, I am being exposed to radiation AND his personality - can't decide which is worse!), in two years he will be competing in the MR New Mexico contest at the age of 60, he is 58 now but still thinks he can do it. He just paid $10,000 CASH for a BMW to which I am thinking, DUDE! It must be CRAP if it was 10K!!? I would NOT be bragging! Then he told me that he was going to write a book about his fight with prostate cancer as everyone said he was inspiring-- little did he know he was inspiring ME to try and jump out of a perfectly good airplane! Oh, I even learned about his rental car choice and why he made that choice (he had met a young woman from Enterprise who encourage him to rent a car--shocker-- to get back to Los Alamos rather than have "THE WIFE" come and get him). So there ya go- the 7th level of hell, express lane, no death needed.
A few days ago, I found an item that I am seriously contemplating purchasing. It is a HUGE pillow type apparatus that you place OVER your head called the "Ostrich". Not only is it FRIGHTENING to look at, I think the word "CRAZY" would come to mind. This thing looks like it is EATING your head; think "ALIEN". No one is going to want to sit next to the person who is sporting this on their head. I have no idea how much it costs but I think after what I went through, no price would be too high! You might want one too. "He Who Must Not Be Named" could still be out there and no matter how full the flight is, HE wants to sit next to YOU!
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